Forgive Me
by Kimura
Summary: Jim and Bones's relationship is shattered when Jim does the unthinkable.


_This story was written as a therapeutic exercise on the orders of my shrink, haha. He wanted me to write something where one of the boys does something almost unforgivable. This is what I came up with._

* * *

Leonard wanted to look over at Jim as they both stood at attention in front of the investigative council. Admiral Komack was droning on about how important the mission had been, how mining rights were at stake, and a civilization recovering from war needed their help.

It wasn't as if either of them had forgotten.

"Doctor McCoy, please give the council an account of what happened when you and Captain Kirk went searching for the sacred Wyleruk texts."

Leonard managed not to sigh and instead took a deep breath. "As stated in my report, Captain Kirk assigned teams to comb through the remains of the city. Part of the agreement with the Wyleruks was to assist them in rebuilding their society. Locating the sacred texts was an essential part of that mission. Captain Kirk and I descended to the lower levels of the collapsed city and began to cover our part of the search grid.

"We detected no life signs and no unusual readings of any kind. However, we did begin to suspect that we were not alone in the catacomb. We distinctly hear what sounded like many small footsteps and scrabbling. We repeatedly checked our scanners and called out, but no one and no thing responded. As we moved down the hallway, there was one room on the left, and another on the right.

"Captain Kirk went right and ordered me to investigate the room to the left. As I shone my flashlight around the room, I saw creatures lining the walls. There were black with violet eyes and skittered around as I scanned the room. I alerted Captain Kirk to my discovery, but as I tried to move back towards the hallway, I was attacked.

"The creatures swarmed towards me and surrounded my feet and ankles, biting and scratching. I couldn't get free, and I couldn't shake them off. I tried to communicate, to reason with them, but they didn't respond. I set my phaser to stun and shot at them. Captain Kirk came into the room, saw the situation, and also started firing. The creatures disappeared.

"Unfortunately, while defending ourselves, we not only destroyed the sacred texts we had been searching for, we also injured a Wyleruk cleric who had come into the room by another entrance. I was able to treat him immediately, but we found no evidence of the creatures. Due to the incident, the Wyleruks ordered us off their planet and ceased all mining negotiations."

"In other words," Komack broke in, "the mission was a catastrophic failure."

Leonard swallowed hard. "Yes, Admiral. It was an accident, but the price for our mistake was incredibly high." He and Jim had talked about this on their way back to Earth, how Starfleet was going to chew them both up one side and down the other, looking for a scapegoat.

"Thank you, Dr. McCoy. Captain Kirk, is McCoy's recounting of the incident accurate?"

"No, Admiral, I'm afraid it's not."

Leonard turned to look at his captain in shock. "Jim!"

Komack glared at him. "You've had your turn, McCoy. Please continue, Captain."

"I heard Dr. McCoy calling for help, and I ran towards the sound. I saw that he seemed to be struggling and was firing his phaser. Since I have never known Dr. McCoy to be anything other than reliable, I began firing in the same direction he was, even though I was just shooting into the dark.

"McCoy told me what had happened, but I never saw the creatures he described. There were no physical wounds on him, no trace that there was ever anyone but ourselves and the cleric in the room, no evidence of them at all. I even went back over the room with Commander Spock and searched the surrounding area for them; there was nothing. It is my conclusion, along with that of my science team, that Dr. McCoy hallucinated the creatures."

"Jim! What are you saying?! You know that's not true! You saw them, too!" Leonard burst out. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

Jim just carried on as if he hadn't heard him. "Both Dr. McCoy and I were examined by medical, but it was not until a full twenty-four hours after the incident. Given the events that occurred, I have to recommend that Dr. McCoy submit to immediate psychiatric evaluation."

"What?! Jim, you have to be joking!"

"Dr. McCoy, you will control yourself, or you will be removed from this hearing," Komack warned.

"Sir, I did not hallucinate the creatures. And if Jim - Captain Kirk - had thought so, he should have had me examined on the Enterprise during our four day return journey."

"I thought it would be easier once we returned to Earth," Jim responded. "It's difficult to conduct a psychiatric exam of the CMO on a starship. Since I knew we were heading home anyway …"

"Yes, I see," Komack responded.

"Admiral, this was not a hallucination! I have no history of it -"

"Then you have nothing to lose by submitting to an exam," Komack responded.

"He - the Captain - spoke with me on multiple occasions during those four days. Not once did he mention that he hadn't seen the creatures, or that he thought I hallucinated them. In fact, we discussed - in detail - the fact that he saw them, too."

Jim shook his head sadly. "No, Bones, I didn't see them, and we didn't talk about it -"

"Jim, what the fuck are you saying?!"

"Dr. McCoy!"

"I'm saying that something's wrong, Bones, and you need to get it checked out."

Leonard took a step towards him. "There is nothing wrong with me!"

"Dr. McCoy! Return to your place at once, or I will have you removed!" Komack shouted.

"Jim," Leonard pleaded softly. "Why are you doing this?"

Jim met his eyes, and he couldn't see anything but pity in them. "I'm sorry."

Leonard felt hands on his arms pulling him away, making good on Komack's threat. Whatever state of shock he was in suddenly dissolved. He fought against the security team holding him.

"JIM! Don't do this! You saw it, too! TELL THEM! Goddamnit, let go of me! I'M NOT CRAZY! GET OFF ME!"

Jim didn't try to help him. He just looked sadly down at the floor as Leonard was dragged away.

* * *

_Six months later_

Jim sat down at his desk and answered the waiting comm. "Hi, Mom."

Winona Kirk smiled tightly at her son. "Jimmy. How's everything going?"

Jim frowned. "Everything's fine. But you look like something's wrong. What is it? Is Sam okay?"

"The family is just fine. I'm calling on behalf of someone else."

"All right …"

"I was contacted by Eleanor McCoy."

Jim managed to hide a wince, but his stomach turned to lead. "Oh?"

"She says she's been trying to contact you without success."

Jim rubbed the back of his neck. "I … it's a tough situation, mom. I didn't know what to say to her."

"Then maybe you should just listen to what she has to say about her son. Please do that for me. I think you'll want to hear what she has to say."

Jim took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay."

"Do you know what happened after you returned to the Enterprise once the hearing was concluded?"

"I know they took Bones to Starfleet Medical for evaluation. After a few weeks, he was discharged from Starfleet."

"Do you know why?"

Jim shrugged. "Because they were worried he might make another mistake?"

"No, Jim. He was committed."

"What?!"

"Despite all the evidence, he refused to concede that the creatures were imaginary and insisted that you had seen them, too. The doctors were concerned about his state of mind, so they had him transferred to another facility for treatment."

Jim felt sick. "And? How long did that last?"

"He's still there."

Jim gripped the sides of his desk. "What?!"

"I'm going to show you what Eleanor showed me now."

When the vid finished and Winona reappeared, Jim quietly told her that he would take care of the situation. He ended the link and then drafted up a letter to Starfleet on his PADD. He had work to do.

* * *

_One month later_

Leonard tried to pull the thin blanket around himself to keep warm, but it didn't help much. His thoughts were a muddled mess. Something as simple as eating breakfast suddenly seemed like a monumental task. So, he stuck to his usual routine of ignoring everything and everyone by sitting in the corner of his room. At least there was nothing confusing or stressful there but his own thoughts.

The door to his room slid open, and Leonard tried not to shudder. It was probably a group of orderlies or nurses, trying to force him to eat or giving him more meds. He wished they would give him something that would actually help.

"Bones?"

Leonard whipped his head around and took in the sight of Jim Kirk. Relief flooded through him, quickly followed by shame. He turned back to face the corner.

"It's okay, Bones." He listened to Jim cross the room and sit down beside him.

"Why are you here, Jim? I don't - you shouldn't seem me like this."

"Don't worry about it, Bones. I'm here to help."

"Are you really here? Or am I imagining it?"

Jim was quiet for a while. "Have you hallucinated anything since then?"

"Yeah. After all the drugs they put me on."

A hand landed on his shoulder. "I'm real, Bones. I'm here. And … if I'd known what had happened to you … I would've been here a lot sooner."

"I was mad at you," Leonard confessed softly. "But not anymore. I must have made it up, Jim. Nothing else makes sense. And I've been a mess since then …"

The hand moved from his shoulder to stroke his greasy hair. "Shh, it's okay, Bones. We're gonna make this right. They shouldn't be treating you like this."

Leonard tried to blink back the tears.

Jim's arms wrapped around him, pulling him close. "Shhh, s'okay, Bones. I've got you."

Leonard promptly decided that he didn't care if was hallucinating or not. He would take the comfort when it was offered.

"I'm so sorry, Bones," Jim murmured. "I'm so, so sorry. But I'm gonna make this right. C'mon, let's get you up. We're leaving."

Leonard tried to pull away. "No … can't. I'm crazy."

"You're not crazy, Bones. I'm gonna take you to the hospital, and we'll get you fixed up, all right?"

Leonard bit his lip, hesitating.

"Trust me, Bones. Please."

Leonard nodded and let Jim help him to his feet, leaning heavily on him as the room tilted.

"That's it, just lean on me. We're getting you the hell out of here, Bones. C'mon."

Not knowing what else to do, Leonard followed him and let Jim lead him out of the facility. The staff didn't try to stop them, and Leonard wondered how Jim had pulled this off. Either that, or this was one hell of a good dream.

Jim gently helped him into a waiting transport that whisked them away down the street.

"Where are we going?"

Jim kept one arm wrapped around him. "Hospital, Bones. We need to get that shit out of your system."

Leonard just nodded wearily, leaning against Jim's shoulder. "Okay."

* * *

The hospital staff had been horrified when Leonard was brought in. Apparently, the mental facility he had been kept in left much to be desired. He was malnourished, had bruises and scrapes from being handled too roughly or strapped down, and had far too many drugs in his system.

Jim was certain that with the hospital's report, his report, and Eleanor's report of Leonard's treatment, that facility was going down in flames. He looked over at Bones sleeping peacefully in the hospital bed. He had been out of it when he was admitted. And despite Jim and the staff's attempts to keep him calm, they had been forced to administer sedatives in order to treat him. But they were confident that he would make a full recovery.

Jim looked up as Bones slowly blinked awake. "Jim?"

Jim smiled and sat on the edge of the bed. "Hey, welcome back." He reached to the bedside table and handed Bones a cup of water with a straw. "How are you feeling?"

Bones seemed to be considering as he sipped the water. "Better. Clearer."

Jim felt his smile widen. "I'm glad, Bones. They had you doped up to the gills, but it's been flushed out now. You should be back to normal in no time."

Bones handed back the empty cup. "What happened? How did you get here?"

"What happened is that after you were discharged from Starfleet, they shipped you to that horrible place. And believe me, that place is going to be under serious investigation after this. They abused you, Bones, and kept you so drugged up that you couldn't complain. Your mom got in touch with me and told me what was happening. I … I had no idea, or I would have been back here, kicking their asses, a lot sooner."

Bones wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "Not your fault."

Jim swallowed hard. "I should have checked in on you. I should have found out how you were doing."

Bones shrugged wearily. "Can't blame you for wanting to move on, Jim. You've got a career to think of."

Jim managed not to wince. "Are you hungry?"

"I think I could eat a little."

"I'll get you something." He started to get to his feet, but Bones grabbed his arm.

"Don't go." Bones's face was flushed a deep red.

Jim sat back down. "I won't. I'm staying right here until you feel better." He reached out and gripped Bones's hand, squeezing gently. "I'm right here, Bones."

Bones nodded and squeezed back.

* * *

When Leonard awoke the next morning, Jim was still beside his bed. But he was wearing his formal uniform and a grim expression.

"Jim? What's going on?"

"I have to go, Bones. But before I do, I need to tell you everything."

Leonard pushed himself to a sitting position. "What do you mean?"

"I resigned my command of the Enterprise."

Leonard blinked a few times. "What? Why?"

"I asked to be transferred to a position here on Earth, so that I could take care of you. I had to get you out of that place."

"You gave up the Enterprise? For me? Jim -"

"I had to, Bones. I couldn't leave you there. But now that you're safe and almost on your feet … I'm going to Starfleet to turn myself in."

"What for?! Jim, you're not making any sense."

"I saw them, too."

Leonard went utterly still. "What?"

"The creatures on Wyleruk. I saw them, too. And I shot at them, same as you. And I did talk to you about them. But there was never any other trace of them, Bones. And I knew what it would look like when we got back to Earth. And as the Captain, the blame would fall completely on me, no matter what you said. So, I lied. I told them you hallucinated them. I was trying to save my own skin, save my command. I didn't want to, please believe that, Bones.

"And I thought all that would happen was that you would be evaluated, get a slap on the wrist, and reassignment. I never thought … I never imagined they would have you committed. I never would have done it if I knew -"

"You saw them." Red was clouding Leonard's vision.

"Yes. I don't expect you to ever forgive me, Bones. I'm going to tell Starfleet everything and accept whatever punishment they choose."

Leonard gripped the blanket tightly in his fists. "Whatever it is, it won't be enough. You lied, and you let me think I was fucking crazy for months!"

Jim rubbed his eyes. "I know. I'm so sorry. I -"

"Get out."

Jim looked up at him. "Bones -"

"NO! GET THE FUCK OUT! NOW!"

Jim nodded and stood.

Leonard watched him leave and tried to quell the rage that had him shaking.

A nurse popped her head into the room. "Are you all right?"

Leonard shook his head. "Not by a long shot."

* * *

After months away, it was strange for Leonard to return to Starfleet. They had offered to reinstate his commission, but Leonard had vehemently declined. With his reputation restored, he fully planned to go back to private practice.

When he saw Admiral Pike, he almost snapped to attention but stopped himself at the last minute.

Pike forced a smile. "McCoy."

Leonard nodded. "Admiral Pike."

"If you'll follow me, I'll take you to the Council."

Leonard nodded again and fell into step beside him. "Is Jim going to be there?"

"No. It will just be you, me, and the Council in a conference room. They want to hear of your experience in your words. Are you ready for that?"

"Not really, but I know it can't wait."

"For what it's worth, I am sorry for what happened and how it was handled."

"Things may have gotten out of control, Admiral, but we both know there's only one person to blame for this shit storm."

Pike nodded. "You're right about that."

Leonard stopped. "What's gonna happen to him?"

"I'm not sure. He will be demoted, but dishonorable discharge and prison time are still on the table. That's where you come in. The Council wants to take your suffering into account when deciding punishment."

Leonard rubbed his eyes. "Shit. But ... I mean, it's not like Jim knew they were going to send me to that hell hole ..."

"No, but if he hadn't lied and broken so many regulations in the first place, it wouldn't have happened at all."

"Have you talked to him?"

"I have."

"How is he?"

"He's ... well, he hates himself for what he did to you. He doesn't much care what happens to him, because he figures he deserves it. And I can't say I disagree with him. He destroyed your career to save his own."

"And what about his career now?"

"It's all but over. I suppose he's tenacious enough to claw his way back through the ranks, but his reputation will never recover."

Leonard gritted his teeth and headed towards the conference room door. "Good. Let's get this over with."

* * *

And in the end, Jim was dishonorably discharged and sentenced to three months on a Federation prison colony. Starfleet thoughtfully arranged an off planet excursion for Leonard and his mother while the media firestorm played out. As much as Leonard enjoyed the trip, he couldn't help but wonder if his life would ever be normal again.

He just wanted to return to having a practice or working at a hospital in Georgia again. But he wondered if he would forever be known as "the Former best friend of Disgraced Captain Kirk." He forced himself not to watch the Earth or Federation news feeds. He didn't want to see Jim go down in flames.

_Why should I care? He nearly destroyed my career and left me imprisoned for three months. He should give it a try._

But as much as he tried to distance himself from it, he did care.

He had known Jim for years and had seen ambition get the better of him a few times. And just before the whole mess had happened, there had been a change in their relationship, slowly turning it from just friendship to something more.

Which made the betrayal sting all the worse.

It was almost like his marriage all over again. Jocelyn had made a mistake - cheated on him - and when he went to divorce her, she dragged him through the mud. Brought up accusations that he had killed his father all in order to get the settlement that she wanted.

Jocelyn knew how miserable Leonard had been after the settlement and didn't care. Sometimes he wondered if she had ever cared.

Jim, on the other hand, once he realized what had happened to Leonard, went and made it right. Faced the consequences and took responsibility.

_Maybe he deserves some credit for that? Maybe?_

After a month, he and his mother returned to Earth. He was pestered by reporters occasionally with comms for interviews, but he declined them all.

His personal comm had a message on it from the prison colony. It had to be from Jim.

Leonard's stomach flip-flopped a few times as he debated whether or not to watch it. Finally, he sighed and played the message.

Jim's face popped up, and he tried not to gasp. After just one month, the kid was pale in his navy prison uniform and had a nasty shiner over his left eye.

"Hey, Bones. Thanks for watching this message. I know you probably wanted to just delete it, so ... thanks. I'm not here to beg for your forgiveness or complain to you about how awful this place is. Though, if it makes you feel better, it is pretty awful.

"I just wanted to apologize properly and completely. Bones, I am so sorry for what I did to you. I never should have considered it, let alone actually gone through with it. I regretted it the moment I did it. I wanted to keep the Enterprise; I was scared I would lose her, and I let that fear drive me to do the unthinkable. You're more important than any command, Bones, and I am so sorry I ever let you or myself think otherwise.

"Even if you had only been reprimanded and reassigned, I still would have always regretted it. The Enterprise - I mean, shit, I wasn't the same without you, Bones. I missed you, and I hated myself for what I did. Just in case you thought I was just relaxing and laughing it up while you were ..." He trailed off, rubbing a hand over his face. "Well, I wasn't. And I'm so sorry. I can't say it enough, and I know it's not enough. It never will be. I don't deserve your forgiveness. I just wanted the chance to tell you everything. If you're still watching ... thanks. I wish you the best of luck in what you decide to do. And I won't contact you again." Jim's gaze had been drifting around the whole time. He finally raised his eyes to the camera. "Goodbye, Bones."

The screen went black.

* * *

Jim struggled desperately to suck in air to his lungs, but it wasn't working. Some medication he had been given was causing a reaction. He could faintly hear the commotion around him as the prison medical team worked to correct the mistake.

The lights faded in and out as Jim's blood pounded in his ears.

_Bones ... Bones would know what to do ..._

"Godamnit, get out of my way! I've treated him enough times to know what to do!"

Jim decided he had to be hallucinating Bones coming to his rescue.

But the forceful injection of the hypospray at his neck and steady fingers against his pulse point felt real enough.

"Take it easy," the all-too-familiar voice soothed. "You know the drill, Jim. Try to breathe slow and deep." An oxygen mask was placed over his face as his breathing became easier. "That's it. That's good, Jim. You're gonna be all right."

Jim closed his eyes and nearly wept at the sweet sound of those words. That voice and those hands were always there to catch him when he fell - or when something else caught him and left him bleeding and damaged - and he had pushed it all away for ... what? Jim forced his eyes open and took in the sight of Leonard McCoy leaning over his bed.

He coughed. "How ...?"

"I came to visit you. When I checked in, they alerted me that you were in Medical, having some kind of reaction. I figured I could help."

"Oh." Jim wasn't sure what else to say.

"I'll have a look over your file. I'm not sure how your allergy was missed, but I'll make sure it doesn't happen again."

Jim lifted the mask up so he could talk more easily. "You don't have to do that -"

Bones slapped Jim's hand lightly and re-seated the mask. "Leave it, Jim. And I know I don't have to, but it's the right thing to do. You just rest easy for now. When you're feeling better, we can talk." He started to move away.

Without thinking, Jim reached out and managed to grab his wrist.

Bones stopped and looked down at him, startled. "Jim?"

Jim felt his cheeks flush and let him go. "Sorry."

Bones studied him for a minute longer before grabbing a nearby stool and sitting down. "I guess this is as good of a place as any to talk. So long as you let me do most of the talking." He huffed a sigh. "Listen ... I came here to do one thing, Jim. I came to tell you ... that I forgive you."

Jim gasped and started coughing.

Bones waited until he had caught his breath again. "I really do think you're sorry, and that you regret it. And you've apologized and taken the full blame and punishment for your mistake. I know you'll never do anything like that again. So, I forgive you, Jim. I wanted to tell you that."

Jim blinked back tears and shook his head.

"I know," Bones continued. "I know you don't think you deserve it. And some people are going to hate you forever for what you did. It'll be damn hard to earn that respect back. Probably have to save the Earth again. But I'm not gonna be one of those people, Jim. I don't hate you. You're human, you were scared, and your ambition got in the way of your good judgment. Just ... if there ever was a next time, talk to someone first."

"I will. I would," Jim gasped. He felt like he couldn't breathe again, for an entirely different reason.

A warm hand rested on his shoulder, squeezing gently. "Take it easy, Jim. Just breathe."

Jim closed his eyes and followed Bones's soft instructions to breathe in and out slowly at regular intervals. He nearly drifted off to sleep but awoke at the sound of the stool moving.

"Jim, I gotta go. But ... send me a comm, okay? Keep in touch."

Jim nodded, reaching for Bones's hand and squeezing it before letting go. It wasn't easy to watch him leave, but it did feel as if a weight had been lifted off his chest.

* * *

Much to his own surprise, Leonard preferred to keep moving. After living in space, he wasn't content to keep his feet on solid ground. He would return to Atlanta for months at a time, but after that, he would join a civilian crew on an exploratory mission, or travel to a starbase. After all, he didn't spend all that time at the Academy to only use his expertise on humans.

There was a small eruption in the media when Jim was released from prison, but he quickly went underground. Leonard occasionally thought about contacting him, but he decided it was probably best to led the kid lead his own life.

That didn't mean he didn't miss him, though.

Leonard was passing through Starbase 453 with his colleague Herb after attending a medical conference on New Vulcan. He turned towards the sound of shouting. It was coming from what looked to be some kind of theater. "What's that?"

Herb looked over and shuddered. "That would be one of the less savory forms of entertainment around here. Hand to hand fighting. Brutal stuff."

Leonard rolled his eyes. "Bunch of idiots beating each other unconscious for the entertainment of all?"

"That would be a way to put it, yes."

Leonard stopped as he noticed the fighters listed for the evening's event. "Oh, no."

"What is it, McCoy?"

Leonard just stared at the sign, trying to will it to say something else other than: "Featuring: Disgraced Former Starfleet Captain James Kirk." Before he knew what was happening, he shoved his way into the theater and towards the stage.

The noise of the crowd and the announcer nearly deafened him as he pushed people out of his way. The stage was elevated above the crowd in the center of the theater.

And there was Jim, though Leonard had to blink a few times to be certain. His former Captain was wire thin and covered in bruises and welts. He was wavering slightly as he bobbed on his toes and circled his opponent.

"JIM!" Leonard tried to shout over the roar of the audience. He was starting to get resistance from the people around him. He couldn't get forward. "JIM! STOP!"

He watched in horror as Jim's giant of an opponent surged forward, battering him with multiple blows to the torso. Jim was a good fighter, but he was practically dead on his feet.

He curled inward, absorbing the hits as best he could and trying to get out a clean uppercut. The lizard-like creature he was fighting easily batted his blows away and followed up by raking his claws against Jim's shoulder, tearing his gold shirt to pieces.

Jim cried out, dropping to his knees.

Leonard again tried to push through the crowd. "Let me through! He's gonna kill him!"

Jim pushed up from his palms, swinging out wildly at the creature's legs. He was clearly disoriented.

The lizard kicked out, catching Jim right on the chin and laying him out flat. The crowd roared and surged with approval.

"Looks like Starfleet is no match for the Gorn!" the announcer crowed.

Leonard pushed his way towards the stage as the audience members began exchanging credits. "Let me through! He needs a doctor!" Before he reached him, though, a transporter activated, whisking Jim away. "Goddamnit!"

* * *

Despite his best efforts and yelling at everyone involved - the owner of the theater, the head of the Starbase, the agent for the fighters - no one would let him backstage to see Jim. They finally told him that if he waited in the back, the fighters would emerge at the end of the night.

Leonard stood stoically in the back of the theater, trying to tune out the violence and mayhem around him. Eventually, the crowd drained away, replaced by the quiet clean up crew. He glared at the fighters as they emerged one by one, especially the Gorn that had beaten Jim. The trickle of fighters seemed to have stopped. Leonard was sorely tempted to march backstage himself. Then, finally, Jim appeared.

He was limping and wearing a hooded sweatshirt that practically swallowed him.

"Jim?"

Startled blue eyes turned to look at him. "Bones? What ...?" He shook his head and started to turn away. "You shouldn't be here."

Leonard reached out to catch his arm, but Jim jerked violently away, wincing. "Shit, did they even bother patching you up before they sent you out?"

"I'm fine. Just leave me alone, Bones."

"You need medical attention. Let me help you."

He jerked away again. "Look, I don't want you to see me like this, okay? It's humiliating enough without you here. So, please just leave."

"You came to see me in a mental hospital when I could barely tell up from down. This is -"

"I put you there, Bones. That was my fault. I had to get you out."

"You didn't know that would happen, Jim. You didn't put me there. Not deliberately. And I forgave you for it. So, let me help you."

Jim shook his head and started to head for the door.

He only made it a few steps before he slumped to the floor.

Leonard knelt beside him, carefully wrapping his arms around his friend. Jim was shivering in his embrace. "C'mon, we need to get you some help." He took Jim's bag from him, slinging it over one shoulder. Then he carefully maneuvered Jim back to his feet and helped him limp out.

"Bones ... don't," Jim protested weakly. He was sweating from the exertion and probably running a fever.

"Damn it, Jim, just shut up," Leonard responded without any heat.

Jim didn't answer, probably because he was only half-conscious. To Leonard's surprise, Herb was waiting for him in the promenade.

"What the hell happened to him?!"

Leonard rolled his eyes. "People are irresponsible morons. Help me with him?"

"Of course."

* * *

Leonard's second round of ranting and threatening went much better. When the head of the Starbase saw Kirk's condition, he gave Leonard access to their medical bay and permission to treat him.

Jim was indeed running a fever from infection of his wounds. He was in rough shape - cracked ribs, dislocated shoulder, torn ligaments, not to mention the host of bruises and welts from who knew what.

_Why did you do this, Jim? There had to be other options_, Leonard wondered to himself.

It was quiet in the medical bay in the middle of the night cycle. Jim had fallen right to sleep as soon as Leonard had given him an analgesic. And given his general malnutrition and exhaustion, it was a good thing.

Leonard started him on a course of antibiotics and set the osteoregenerator to work on his ribs. Herb had headed to his quarters once they had gotten Jim settled on the biobed. Strangely, Leonard didn't even feel tired.

One of the monitors around the bed began to beep insistently. Leonard looked up and cursed. He took Jim's hand. "C'mon, kid, easy now. It's just a dream."

Jim gasped awake, and Leonard managed to keep him from sitting up and throwing off the regenerator.

"Take it easy, Jim. You were dreaming."

Jim gripped his arm almost painfully. "'M I still dreaming?"

"No, Jim. This is real. You're okay."

Jim relaxed his hold and collapsed back against the biobed. "Where ...?"

"Medical Bay. Just lie still. The regenerator is putting your ribs back together."

Jim went quiet and just watched Leonard work. Finally, he asked, "How bad?"

Leonard blew out a breath. "Not good, Jim. You're running on fumes, and you're not healed from all of these injuries. And you've got an infection to boot. Do they even check you over after a fight?"

"Just to patch up anything that's actively bleeding," Jim answered.

"Well, you need more that. I don't know why you didn't at least come here to let them look at you."

"Was embarrassing," Jim mumbled. "They laughed at me and ... didn't do a very thorough job. Gave me the wrong medication. Drugged me. Stopped coming."

Leonard rubbed his eyes. "What am I gonna do with you, kid?"

"I'm not your problem, Bones."

Leonard sat down on the biobed, tipping Jim's chin up until their eyes met. "Listen to me, Jim. Even after everything, you're still my friend. I still care about you, and I'm not gonna let you die of some damn infection when there's something I can do about it.

"You could have left me in that mental institution, but you didn't. And it wasn't just because you felt guilty. It's the same thing here, Jim. I'm going to help you."

"And then what, Bones?"

Leonard released his chin and sighed. "I don't know. We'll worry about that when we get to it. For now, let's just get you well. Can you do that, Jim? Let me help you? You don't have to understand why. Just let me take care of you."

"I don't know," Jim answered, brushing away tears. "It almost hurts, Bones. I don't deserve anything from you."

"You deserve to be treated fairly, Jim. You don't deserve to be beaten and just ... left."

Jim jabbed at the tears on his face and didn't respond.

Leonard took his hand and just it held it until Jim relaxed and fell back asleep.

* * *

"You sure you want to stay?" Herb asked Leonard in the morning. "I know there's probably a lot more to this than I know ..."

Leonard nodded. "I don't what will happen here, but I want to at least get him back on his feet. I can't just leave him. I'll catch another transport." He held out his hand. "Thanks for checking in and for all of your help."

Herb shook his hand. "Good luck, McCoy. I'll see you around."

Leonard watched his colleague leave the medical bay before turning back and checking on Jim.

His former captain was deeply asleep after a rough night and early morning. Jim's fever had spiked a couple of times as the antibiotics worked to fight the infection. It was back down now, the infection all but cleared up. Jim still looked painfully thin and pale against the stark white pillow with his sweat-matted hair and dark circles under his eyes.

It was clear that Jim had continued to punish himself for his mistake, believing he deserved no better. Leonard sighed. On the Enterprise, Jim had been known to stew in his mistakes from time to time. And Leonard, or occasionally Spock, would have to talk him out of it.

Jim groaned as his eyes fluttered open.

"Morning," Leonard said, handing him a cup of water. "How do you feel?"

"Better," Jim answered, rubbing his eyes and sipping the water. "Pretty tired, though."

Leonard nodded. "That's to be expected, given what your body's been through."

"What time is it?"

"Almost noon." His eyes narrowed. "Why? Jim, you can't possibly think that you'd be well enough to fight tonight."

Jim shrugged. "I can call out if I have to."

Leonard sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. "Why are you doing this, kid? Decided you needed some help beating yourself up?"

Jim squirmed under his gaze. "Yeah. And no one wants to work with me anyway."

"You need at least another two days of rest and probably some more regenerative therapy before you can consider doing anything active."

Jim sighed, setting the cup down on the bedside table. "Great." He shook his head. "So, when are you heading home?"

Leonard shrugged. "It might surprise you how much I stay on the road these days, kid." He took a deep breath before continuing. "In fact ... I've been thinking that I could use your help."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I'm in need of a captain."

Jim chuckled. "Right. Nice one, Bones."

"I'm serious, Jim. Somethin's been buggin' me. You and I saw those creatures, but no one else on Wyleruk had ever heard of them. Or so they said."

Jim raised an eyebrow.

"I want you know what they were. I want to find those little bastards."

The corner of Jim' mouth quirked up. "You want to find them?"

"Yeah. And not because I've got anything left to prove to Starfleet. Just so I can sleep a little better at night with this mystery solved. But I can't do it alone."

Jim looked away. "You sure you want to fly with me, Bones?"

"I'm positive."

"I don't want your pity."

"Damn it, Jim! You think that's what this is? I spent too long questioning my own sanity, and it would do me a lot of good to see those creatures in the flesh. I want your help, because even after everything that's happened, I believe in you. I'm serious that I want to do this, and if you don't want to help, I'll find someone else. But since your current plans consist of getting beaten to a goddamn pulp, I thought I would at least ask."

Jim was quiet for a while. "I think I could get us a ship."

Leonard nodded. "Good. That's settled then." He stood and consulted the readouts on the biobed displays, deciding what treatment to start next.

"Bones?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks."

"I mean it, Jim. I want to find them."

"I know. I won't let you down."

* * *

It took a couple of months, but Jim and Leonard did track down the creatures on one of the moons of Wyleruk. They were called Zenostirks and had been part of Wyleruk legend for thousands of years - much like fairies on Earth. They were black, furry, and less than a foot tall. It took a little while before a common language base could be discovered to facilitate discussion. But once it was, the Wyleruks were very interested in establishing an ongoing relationship, beneficial for both species. The Zenostirks would no longer need to live in the shadows, surviving mostly by stealing.

Jim and Leonard were congratulated on their discovery. Even Starfleet admitted some grudging respect. But once they had a taste of adventure on their own terms, the two decided they were not turning back.

They made their small ship into a home and their adventures into a successful enterprise: part detectives, part travel guides, and with a good doctor to patch people up if something went wrong. Jim immediately found that he liked the freedom of helping people out where he could and not having to worry about 'Fleet politics. And he and Leonard made plenty of friends and enemies by delivering medical supplies where they were needed. The two quickly gained a reputation as both troublemakers and saviors.

And between the two of them, they still bickered and argued, and gave each other endless shit. Their relationship not only recovered but blossomed from friendship right into romance. And although neither of them would have chosen to relive the events that brought them to their new life together, they didn't want to change it either.


End file.
